What If
by swifty13fans
Summary: The Reapers gone and Shepard is alive, what could possibly be wrong? That is until Liara found out that her bondmate may not remember her. With certain someone is around the corner and Shepard ex-fiancé is back in the picture. Can Liara make Shepard remember her again? Alternate story of Forever After. You don't necessarily need to read it to understand. *story still in progress*
1. Playing With Fire

**A/N : This is my second fan fiction and if you guys read my first fan fiction, Forever After, thank you for keep following my work. I still plan on continue my first fan fiction since this story is different than Forever After but don't be surprised when the characters that I created on Forever After reprise their role in this story. Let just say this is an alternate story to Forever After. But this is by any no means will make me stop writing Forever After, that still will be my main focus so I want to warn you guys that I won't be updating this story as fast as I will with Forever After. I'm going to take my time. Anyway for the new readers, you don't need to read Forever After to understand this story but if you want to read it, I am more than happy and it probably will give you more insight on this story such as who are they, what kind of background they had but there will be a few thing that difference about them. One last note, please let me know what you think about this story but please be nice and I appreciate a constructive criticism but please do not bash me since I'm still pretty new in this scene and English is my second language so bear in mind that there will be some grammar mistakes and some typo because sometimes my head said something else and my hand type the wrong thing. **

**For the new readers or in case you forgot/wonder what kind of Shepard I write for this story, well here a quick summary. My Shepard is Paragade, usually a Paragon but known to take some Renegade action/speech from time to time. Her background is Spacer, War Hero and her class is a Soldier. Ashley survived the Virmire and most of the crews (more like everyone) are alive and well. Not really following the ME3 ending, so it will be my own take. So without further ado….**

***I do not own anything except the story and some of the characters on this story, other than that, credits where it's due.***

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><p>Chapter 1 : Playing With Fire<p>

Shepard just stood outside the makeshift medical room while looking at Liara who's busy checking the injured Alliance soldiers. So many thoughts running in her head, so many things to say but one thing for certain there's a big possibility that it will be the only chance she going to get to say her goodbye. This is even harder than other goodbyes she had said today… Shepard took a deep breath before start walking towards Liara.

"How are the casualties?" asked Shepard as she's approach Liara but stop short a few feet away.

"They haven't brought in any more wounded." replied Liara as she turns off her omni-tool.

"That's something… How are you holding up Liara?" asked Shepard as she looks at Liara while trying to keep her nerve in check.

"This is it, isn't it?" replied Liara as her calm and collected expression turns into sad and worry.

"Yeah. This is it." said Shepard as she closing the gap between her and Liara.

"I don't know what to say." said Liara as she take a step back before smiling a bit before continuing. "All those little blue children will be disappointed I didn't have a speech."

"We'll make up a good story for them."

"I do have one thing for you, Shepard." said Liara as she turns around to face Shepard. "A gift. It will only take a moment, if you want it."

"What kind of gift?"

"Do you remember when I first joined my consciousness to yours? I can show you some of my own memories… Asari exchange them, sometimes. With good friends… or their bondmates… It can also be a farewell." explains Liara.

"Show me." agreed Shepard.

"Close your eyes." said Liara as she walks closer to Shepard before holding Shepard forearms with both of her hands as her eyes turns black.

Shepard let Liara mind reached her as she closed her eyes before slowly opens it. As she opens her eyes, everything around her turned black, there's only Liara standing in front of her before small lights raining upon them. All they did was watching around them before a bright white light coming from the horizon take both of their attention. As the light become bigger, Shepard and Liara closing their gaps between them before giving each other a passionate kiss between two lover with nothing else matter right there and then.

As the lights consumed them as they kiss, Shepard is brought back to reality with Liara still standing in front of her.

"Thank you. For everything." said Liara as the meld faded and both of her hands are on Shepard hands. Liara slowly break the touch before taking a step back. "I love you. Now let's do what needs to be done."

Shepard could see that Liara trying to stop herself from crying as she turns away from her. Shepard wanted to tell her that everything going to be fine but that's means she just lying. She knew it's not going to be fine and this is probably the last time she going to see Liara. Feeling that the longer she stays there, they harder it would be, Shepard slowly walk towards the right door in the room to meet Anderson.

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><p>"This war's brought us pain and suffering and loss. But it's also brought us together… as soldiers, allies, friends. This bond that ties us together is something the Reapers will never understand. It's more powerful than any weapon, stronger than any ship. It can't be taken or destroyed. The next few hours will decide the fate of everyone in the galaxy. Every mother. Every son. Every unborn child. They're trusting you… depending on you to win them their future. A future free from the threat of the Reapers. But take heart. Look around you. You're not in this fight alone. We face our enemy together, and together we will defeat them."<p>

Shepard finished giving her speech as she think about which she will have with her for the final assault. Garrus will always be one of two crew members she will choose as she said before to Garrus, 'there's no Shepard without Vakarian'. Bringing Javik along will give the satisfaction for the Prothean and he's definitely one of the best biotics Shepard ever fought alongside if not the best. As Shepard deeply in thought over who she want to bring with her for the final assault, Liara slowly approach her.

"Shepard. May I talk to you for a moment?" asked Liara carefully.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I want to be a part of the final assault with you."

"Liara…"

"Listen Shepard, I know you want to protect me but I can protect myself. I need to be with you for the final assault. You asked me to leave when the Normandy blow up and then you died, Shepard. I don't want to leave your side for this mission." said Liara firmly.

"If anything happen to you…"

"If you died again, knowing I was not there with you, I don't know if I can go through it again. Please, Shepard. Let me come with you."

Before Shepard can answer Liara, Major Coats approach them to ask Shepard to pick her team now. Shepard gathers everyone around before making her choice to accompany her for the final push to the beam.

"I would love to bring everyone with me but I can only choose two and the other will help the other. Ashley, James, you two will be better leading the Alliance soldiers. EDI, Tali, I want you two to be back on the Normandy and keep the Normandy save in case we need an extraction… Garrus, I don't imagine going for this fight without you. Javik, I want to bring you along but I have to choose Liara instead of you." said Shepard.

"Don't worry, Shepard. I make sure the Normandy at a ready if you need an extraction." said Tali.

"As much as I want to be a part of your team for the final assault, I understand you reason for wanting me to lead the Alliance soldiers." said Ashley.

"I understand, Commander. I will join other team for the final assault." said Javik.

"I'm ready whenever you are, Shepard." said Garrus.

"Thank you, Shepard." said Liara as she approach Shepard.

"Don't make me regret this."

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><p>The final push goes a lot differently than Shepard would have wanted as she and her team has to make a run for the beam while it's been guarded by a Reaper. Avoiding the red beam the Reaper send on her way is easy enough to avoid as she had practice on Rannoch but it's another when you has to avoid vehicles too. Shepard was barely duck the Mako flying towards her before she watch another Mako fly towards Garrus and Liara and exploded. Shepard waste no time running back toward her team and after seeing Garrus is alright, she rush towards Liara and help her to a cover behind an upside down Mako.<p>

"Normandy, do you copy." said Shepard through her comm. "I need an evac. Right now!"

"We're taking heavy losses up here, Commander." said Joker through the comm.

"On our way." add Joker as soon as they arrive at their coordinates.

"Come on." said Shepard as she help Liara to the Normandy.

"Here. Take her…" said Shepard to Garrus as they arrive at the Normandy shuttle bay door.

"Shepard…" yell Liara as Garrus take Liara from Shepard.

"You gotta get out of here."

"I'm alright, Shepard…" said Liara despite she's clearly not alright.

"Don't argue with me, Liara."

"You're not leaving me behind…"

"No matter what happens… You mean everything to me, Liara. You always will." said Shepard in her crack voice as she walk towards Liara before stopping in front of her and caress her right cheek.

"Shepard, I… I am yours." that's all Liara could mutter as Shepard slowly back down the ramp.

"Go!" yell Shepard as she saw the Reaper is ready to strike again.

Shepard start to run towards the beam and keep avoiding the flying Mako as the Normandy start to fly. With one glance towards the Normandy, she felt happy that she knew no matter what the outcome of this, Liara will survive. That's all she needs to motivate herself before a Mako overturn in her path and she barely avoid being hit by the Mako. As she got back to her feet, the Reaper starts firing at her.

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><p>She had no idea how she survived it but she found herself closer to the beam and badly burn. Her right shoulder also hurt like hell but it won't stop her from making one final push. As she get closer, a Marauder come from behind a rock and start shooting at her and nick her right shoulder. Gathering every inch of strength she had, Shepard shot the Marauder with her Carnifex pistol. As the Marauder dead, Shepard finally arrives at the beam and as she steps into it, it immediately takes her up to the Citadel.<p>

Shepard had no idea how she got there. Now she's facing 3 choices, 3 choices that could change the galaxy. Just 5-10 minutes ago, she was facing The Illusive Man, clearly indoctrinate and he got her to shot her mentor, Anderson. Raged at what The Illusive Man just made her do, she managed to break his control on her as she fired a shot at him that kill him almost instantly.

She was having conversation with Anderson and she remembered vividly that Anderson told her that she will be a great mother some day as he slowly slipped away. Shepard gathered strength that she had to apply her last medi-gel before she realized that she was bleeding in her lower abdomen. As she starting to lose her consciousness, Admiral Hackett came through her comm. to tell her that The Crucible isn't firing. Once again she had to gather all the strength she had to move towards the control only finally to have herself passed out a few feet away.

She was waked up by an AI that called himself as The Catalyst. The AI looked a lot like that kid that was killed on Earth. He told Shepard she has 3 choices, destroy, control or synthesis. He told Shepard that synthesis could be the answer but he also admitted there was other that picked synthesis and it didn't work out. Shepard couldn't believe that if she picks the synthesis it will work out just because the AI told her that she's already a part organic and synthetic.

Control was never an option as she's not even sure if the Reapers didn't indoctrinate her already so that only leaves destroy. Her mission from the very beginning was to destroy the Reapers and she finally going to fulfill but one thing stop herself from doing so. The AI told her that by picking destroy, not only the Reapers dead but also other synthetic in the galaxy such as the Geth. Truth to be told it wasn't the fact the Geth will die too that stopping her, but the fact EDI will die. EDI is not only the Normandy AI, she also a part of her crew and most importantly, EDI is her friend.

But a voice inside her head telling her that if she couldn't trust the AI about the synthesis and control options, why would she trust the AI about the destroy option? Usually she hate the voice inside her head telling her what to do and what she can't do, but right now it make the most sense. Finally made her choice, Shepard start walking slowly towards the destroy console. It wasn't that far away but in her current conditions, it takes a lot more time that she like.

As soon as she arrived in front of the console, Shepard takes a deep breath before start pointing her gun at the console. With every trigger pull all the memories of the war start flooding her thought. The people she loss, the death she saw in front of her eyes and lastly the look of Liara face with her smile that always melt Shepard heart away. As the console starting to blow up, Shepard manage to mutter her last words, "I'm sorry, Liara. I will always love you."

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><p>Liara hated it when Shepard asked her to go back to the Normandy. She know she was injured but she want to stay with Shepard. She can't lose her again, she didn't know how to go through it again. No, she CAN'T go through it again. When the Crucible fired, all Reapers instantly died and nothing else was damaged except the Citadel. Admiral Hackett and the Normandy trying nonstop getting through Shepard but they didn't recieve a single answer. That is until Anderson answer but when was asked where'd Shepard is, his answered sting Liara heart.<p>

"I can't see Shepard anywhere." said Anderson

"Was she badly hurt?" asked Admiral Hackett.

"She was badly hurt alright and she still gave me her medi-gel. Damn it, Shepard."

"We're sending reinforcement with search and rescue party to the Citadel right now. We will start searching for Shepard, dead or alive."

"Admiral Hackett, permission for the Normandy crew to join in?" asked Ashley.

"That's a no, Lieutenant Commander. We need the Normandy to get back to Earth. You're all the symbol of hope and success for every species in the Galaxy. They need to know you're all alright."

"But Admiral, Shepard is our Commanding Officer. We have a duty to go find her."

"That's a negative, Lieutenant Commander Williams. That's an order."

"This is a joke right." said Joker as the comm is cut off.

"Unbelievable." said Ashley in frustration.

"You want to pull a Shepard, Ashley?" asked Garrus.

"You means disobeying order?"

"It won't be the first time."

"I'm all for it." said Joker giving his agreement.

"That's settle than." said Garrus as he look at Ashley.

"Why the hell not? She has done a lot of thing to all of us aboard the Normandy, the least thing we could do is to go search for her." said Ashley as she nod in agreement.

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><p>It has been 3 weeks since the Normandy crew disobeying order and go search and rescue Shepard. When they found her, she was barely breathing and she has been in coma ever since. Miranda instantly appeared at a hospital on Earth where they treated Shepard to offer her help. Miranda led a handful of others doctors to save Shepard and everything has gone smoothly but they won't know how smoothly until Shepard wakes up.<p>

The Alliance has decided not to take any action on the Normandy that disobeying Admiral Hackett order since they did found Shepard first before the other team that was sent by the Alliance. Also they don't want to get on Shepard bad side when she woke up to find out her crew are in jail for rescuing her… For the past 2 weeks, the Normandy has been helping with rebuilding effort. Only Liara stay by Shepard side as she refused to leave Shepard side until she wakes up.

"Any changes?" asked Liara as Miranda checking Shepard.

"No. I'm a little worried at how long she has been in coma. I'm didn't like it because we won't know what's wrong until she wakes up. With her implants, she should have wakes up by now."

"She will be fine right?"

"I won't know until she's wakes up." said Miranda as she finished checking Shepard.

"She will wake up." said Hannah Shepard as she walk into the room Shepard been treated.

"You must be Shepard mother, Hannah Shepard." said Miranda as she looks at Hannah where she can see a few resemblances with Shepard.

"I wanted to be here sooner but duty comes first… It always has been something that tore us apart."

"It's not my place to judge, Admiral."

"You must be Miranda Lawson, former Cerberus operatives and the woman responsible for Lazarus project."

"I see you have been brief."

"It's one good thing to be Rear Admiral. But I don't seem to recall any Asari." said Hannah as she look at Liara.

"I'm Liara T'Soni." introduce Liara.

"It's nice to meet you, Ms. T'Soni."

"It's Dr. T'Soni but you can just call me Liara."

"So Liara, you must be a part of the Normandy crew?"

"Yes."

"And you must be Grace girlfriend that I heard so much about from everyone except from my own daughter mouth."

"I…" Liara tried to find a way on how to response to Hannah question before she's being interrupted.

"No need to say anything. I'm sure she wanted to introduce us in better circumstances and given everything that happened in the past 3 years, she just can't find that time yet... Truth to be told, I'm surprised to hear the news but she never fall to anyone so easily. You must be very special. But we talk about that in some other time." said Hannah as she realized Liara having a hard time replying to her question. Well more like a statement rather than a question.

"Very well." replied Liara as she breathes a sigh of relief. This definitely is not the way she imagine meeting Shepard mother.

Hannah take a few steps forwards towards her daughter bed before lean down to plant a kiss on Shepard forehead.

"Come on, Grace. Don't make a mother outlive her daughter. Not again…" whisper Hannah to Shepard ear.

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><p>It has been 30 days since the Reapers war ended. The Citadel has been moved back to Widow System in Serpent Nebula by the scientist working on The Crucible project. Most of the species that involved in the final battle on Earth has gone back to their homeworld to help the rebuilding effort. But for other species on the Normandy crew, they have decided to pay Shepard a visit first before returning to their homeworld.<p>

"Shepard sure does like her beauty sleep." remarks Ashley as she trying to break the awkward silence in the room.

"Never thought I see the day the queen of the girl scouts this quite." said Jack as she trying to cheer up the room that falls dead silent as soon as the crew saw Shepard body just laying on the bed, motionless while being hooked by wires that making sure she's received enough nutrition's and monitaring her vitals.

"Are you going to wake her up?" asked Tali to Miranda who checking on Shepard implants.

"It is best to let her wake up on her own." replied Miranda.

"We need to remember that Shepard didn't have enough rest ever since Cerberus rebuilt her. With all the responsibilities the galaxy put on her shoulder, she deserve some time out." add Dr. Chakwas as she examine the datapad containing Shepard medical records.

As the crew busying chatting up, Liara saw Shepard fingers moves slowly before Shepard slowly opens her eyes.

"Shepard!" yell Liara as she watches Shepard slowly open her eyes.

"Commander?" said Miranda as she watches closely.

"…Where am I…" mutter Shepard

"You're in the hospital." answered Dr. Chakwas.

"…You're my doctor?" asked Shepard.

"I… Shepard, didn't you know who I am?" asked Dr. Chakwas in a worried look.

"Should I?"

Shepard respond got Dr. Chakwas and Miranda look at each other eyes.

"Do you recognize anyone in this room?" asked Miranda.

"No…"

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><p><strong>AN : Okay guys, that's the end of chapter 1! I hope it's good and yes, I have to end it in a cliffhanger. So this chapter is sort of my own take on what I'm feeling leading to the final assault and what I felt when all of this take place in the game. Anyway next chapter should fill in some details I decided to leave, such as what Liara felt when Shepard said she didn't recognize anyone. Next chapter will also see Maddison made her appearance with a slight different profession she had in Forever After. And for those who wondering if there will be a happy ending to this story, the answer is yes. But before we go to the happy ending let's see when Shepard going to remember Liara and who will steal Shepard from Liara and if Liara can make Shepard fall in love with her again. Even though I said there will be a happy ending, it's not necessarily has to be both of them get married and live forever after. If you want that kind of ending well just read my story title, Forever After… **


	2. Revelation

**A/N : First of all I would like to say thank you for all the response I got for this story. It made me really happy. If you all like it, keep leaving me your reviews and give this story a follow so you will be notify once I up the new chapter. So without further ado... Here the new chapter.**

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><p>Chapter 2 : Revelation<p>

It has been 3 days since Shepard woke up and saying she didn't remember anything for the past few years. Miranda Lawson and Dr. Chakwas have tried to understand why she forgetting the last few years of her life and they didn't come into any conclusion. Her implant is perfectly fine and both the Alliance and the Council has agreed to send in best psychiatrist in the galaxy to examine Shepard but Hannah refused all of them. She didn't trust any of them and there's only one person in her mind that she know can help her daughter remember again.

"Admiral Shepard." greets a blonde girl in blue blouse behind her.

"I thought I made it clear that you can call me Hannah. That is if you want me to call you Dr. Sinclair?" said Hannah as she turns around from looking through the window overlooking the city being rebuilt.

"Well… I thought since you bring me here as a psychiatrist, I should call you by your rank."

"Nonsense Maddison. I bring you here not only because you're a psychiatrist but also as Grace best friend. I thought she will open up more to you than a stranger."

"So… How is she?"

"Other than forgetting everything in the past few years? Her recovery is going well. Though despite she only woke up 3 days ago, she already anxious on working again."

"Still the same old Grace…" chuckle Maddison.

"Before you go see her, I just want to say it's nice to see a familiar face survived the war. I'm sure Grace is going to be happy when she sees you."

"I guess what Grace thought me all those years really help me… How's Mr. Shepard?

"You mean Arthur? He got graze by a bullet when he helped out the Alliance on the final battle but he's fine now. Now he busy rebuilding the family business and help fund rebuilding effort on Earth."

"Sometimes I forgot how rich Shepard's family is."

"That business is from Arthur parents. On my side of family, life was rough and when I joined the Alliance things got better. Grace is lucky that I met her father when he was still in the Alliance so she doesn't have to go through what I had to."

"Has he visits Grace yet?"

"No. I think he still scared that Grace still mad at him."

"Even if she did, I'm sure she will be happy to see him, given the circumstances."

"You probably right. I see if I can change his mind this time around.

"So you didn't tell her I'm coming?"

"Let just say it's my surprise for her. After everything, she deserves it."

"Roger that." said Maddison before she starts walking towards where Shepard room is.

When Maddison arrived in front of Shepard room, she just stood there watching Shepard deep in thought as she's eating her lunch.

"I'm pretty sure your mom used to tell you not to play with your foods." said Maddison as Shepard startled hearing her best friend voice.

"What are you going to do? Tell my mom?" said Shepard with a smile.

"No, but I won't let you live down the fact I managed to startled you."

"That was lucky."

"Whatever you say." said Maddison as she sit down next to Shepard.

"What bring you here?" asked Shepard after she took a sip of orange juice.

"Oh you know, I was in the neighborhood."

"Of course you are… I guess my mom called you?"

"Yes. She thought by having me here, you will more relax and maybe I could help you remember the last few years. But as your best friend maybe it's better if you don't…"

"Why's that?"

"What you go through is not something worth to live through it again. But I will help you remember again for one reason."

"What reason?"

"It's something you have to remember yourself."

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><p>After spending a few hours talking with her best friend, Maddison head straight to a café a few blocks from the hospital as she was instructed through an e-mail she received before she visited Shepard. The email came from Dr. Liara T'Soni, a name Maddison heard of before.<p>

"You must be Dr. T'Soni." greet Maddison to an Asari who look deep in thought as she examining the datapad in her hand.

"You can call me, Liara. You must be Dr. Sinclair?" said Liara as she signals her guest to sit in the empty chair in front of her.

"Just call me Maddison, please."

"Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure if you will come."

"Maybe if I never heard of your name before I won't be coming."

"You heard of my name?" asked Liara in surprise.

"Grace, I mean, Shepard mention your name a lots in her email to me."

"I'm sorry I can't say the same.'

"No worry. I know Shepard. She never has been the one who talk about her personal life. The only reason she mention your name because I asked her to tell me about you."

"How did you know?"

"I know Shepard since we were 8 years old. I know when she's happy, stress or otherwise. After all I am a psychiatrist. Anyway how did you know about me if Shepard never mention of me?"

"I have my resources."

"Well Shepard did say you are a great information broker and a Prothean expert."

"What did Shepard told you about me?"

"Oh, I made sure she told me everything. But that wasn't the reason I'm here, isn't it?"

"No… How is she?"

"She's doing alright, considering. Why didn't you go see her?"

"I can't… It's hard seeing her there and knowing she didn't remember me. I guess it's better than have her die again." said Liara as she looks at the datapad in her hand.

"What are you looking at?" asked Maddison.

"This picture was taken after a party we had at Shepard apartment in the Citadel. This was the last picture I have with her…" answered Liara as she shows Maddison the datapad.

"She looked genuinely happy here. And that look of her face, she clearly deeply in love with you."

"Can you make Shepard remember again?"

"From my examination, I believe her brain just decided to hide all the things she went through the past few years. I'm not going to blame her brain for doing that. What she went through is something no one should have. But yes, I believe she will eventually remember."

"What if… I meld with her?"

"I would against that. I want her to remember it naturally. Some things can't be recovers just by showing them pictures, videos or in this case through the meld. She needs to remember it herself. So she knows exactly what she felt when she went through it. For example if you show her what you two had, she may believe it or think you are crazy. Even if she believe it, there's no assurance that she still feel the way she did because all you ever did is show your memories with her. She may felt the feeling you two were feeling through the memories but it's possible that she will think that what you want her to believe. It's best for her to remember everything again by herself, along with what she felt when she went through that memories."

"I see…" said Liara as a disappointment can be heard through her voice.

"There's a saying in human. It said "If you love someone, set them free. If it come back they're yours, if they don't they never were". She came back from death itself and she still loves you. I don't see a reason why she won't remember you again. It will take time, but you have all the time in the galaxy to wait for Shepard to remember you again." assure Maddison.

"Even if I do, there's no telling if Shepard have all the time in the galaxy to remember me."

"I'm sure before she draws her last breath, she will remember you. I will make sure of that."

"You can't possibly promise me that."

"I promise you. If I can't do it as her psychiatrist, I will do it as her best friend."

"Thank you." said Liara as she managed to smile a little.

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><p>Today would be Shepard last day at the hospital as Miranda and Dr. Chakwas has agreed that Shepard could continue her recovery at home. Shepard father, Arthur has dropped by for a brief moment to asked Shepard to continue her recover at their family estate house. It's a proposal Shepard couldn't refuse as it will give her some privacy.<p>

"So are we going to have sleepover at your house tonight?" asked Maddison as she came to visit Shepard for the day.

"Do I even have a choice?" answered Shepard as she know her best friend request it rather than asking for permission.

"Not really. Unless you don't want to recovers your memories?"

"You know I do. All this media frenzy is driving me crazy. I didn't have a slight clue of what they are talking about when they saw me."

"Well, you are the savior of the galaxy. Whether you remember it or not, it's a fact. Soon enough they are going to build a statue in you honor. You know what, scratch that, they are going to build statues in your honor."

"Please, don't. At least not until I actually remember what I did rather than knowing it from what people are telling me."

"Couldn't agree more… So your dad dropped by yesterday?"

"Yeah. He wanted me to stay at our family estate. Well more like a command. It's not a proposal I could refuse anyway. It's a great place to have some peace and quiet for a change."

"All this not quite enough?" asked Maddison jokingly as she point around the silent room they are at.

"You know what I'm talking about."

The two friends continue their conversation slash therapy session before a slight knock on the door interrupt both of them.

"You can come in." said Maddison on behalf of Shepard.

As the door open, it reveals Liara standing in front of the room. Without even realizing it, Shepard heart skips a beat as soon as she saw Liara.

"Commander Shepard…" greet Liara as she walk towards Shepard and Maddison.

"I'm sorry. I still didn't quite remember your name."

"It's Liara T'Soni, you idiot." said Maddison without she even realizing the words that coming out of her mouth.

"Who are you calling an idiot?" asked Shepard as she was shocked hearing what her best friend just said.

"No one… That just stupid of me." said Maddison.

"I am so sorry for my best friend behalf. She has a knack of acting weird when she gets over excited." said Shepard.

"No, I do not."

"Speak for youselves."

"You two are still acting like kids." said a man in doctor uniform standing in the door frame.

"Hey Matt." greet Maddison as she saw Shepard former fiancée.

"Maddy, Grace…" nod Matt as he walks towards them.

"You do know that she going to kill you when you call her, Maddy." said Shepard.

"Opss. Sorry Maddison."

"Apology accepted." said Maddison

Realizing she's suddenly out of place, Liara slowly try to leave before being stop.

"Where are you going Liara?" asked Shepard as her right hand reach over Liara left arm. That action may seem nothing to Shepard, but for Liara it made her heart skips a beat.

"I…"

"I'm so sorry. Let's start over. Liara, this is Maddison, my best friend since I was 8 years old. This guy who 'pretending' to be a doctor is Matt. He and I… well we have history."

"I am not pretending to be a doctor." said Matt feeling a little offended.

"Oh, you know what she meant." said Maddison as she shoved him lightly.

"I feel like I don't belong here as you know who they are and not me." said Liara.

"I do know you. Well before I forget everything… I'm sure we are close friend."

"Yes… We are."

"So why didn't you stay here? We can talk a bit and maybe I will remember something from our time together? It seems to work when I talked with Dr. Chakwas and Miranda the other day."

"You remembered Dr. Chakwas and Miranda?" asked Liara.

"Yes. Well not all of it. With Dr. Chakwas, I seem to remember everything. With Miranda, I remembered how cold she was the first time I met her and how it changed when we saved her little sister. I still didn't remember the part when I first woke up from being 'rebuilt' by her though."

"Among other things." add Maddison.

"Now, who pretending to be a doctor?" said Matt jokingly.

"Hey! I am a doctor."

"A shrink more like it."

"Now who acting like kids?" said Shepard.

"Oh, shut it, Grace." said Matt.

"I thought when human separate from their partner, thing can be uneasy?" asked Liara as she saw how close Shepard with her ex-fiancée.

"Well for us, we chose our career than what we felt about each other. Neither one of us are willing to see one of us sacrifice our career for each other. So we decided it's best if we broke our engagement." explain Matt.

"There was no bad blood between us. Things can be a little awkward at times but no more than that." said Shepard.

"That what happen when two best friend fall in love. I'm happy that their friendship didn't get ruin when they broke up." add Maddison.

"Best friend?" asked Liara in confusion.

"We were best friend for two years before we realized both of us have a feeling for each other. We end up dating for a year or so and then we got engaged a few months after my N7 training. When I got a new order as the Normandy executive officer and Matt got an offer from big private hospital in the United States, both of us decided to break our engagement to give way for our careers." answered Shepard.

"We thought with Grace now a Commander and XO of the most advance ship in the entire galaxy and my career start to take a turn, it's best if we pursue our careers first." add Matt.

"When we met, you just broke up with Matt?" asked Liara.

"What? No! I think… I got early notice about 6 months prior I got station aboard the Normandy."

"Why so touchy so suddenly?" asked Maddison.

"What? I'm not… I don't know… I just have a weirdest feeling ever."

"You still didn't remember anything about Liara?" asked Maddison as she switched from being Shepard best friend to her doctor.

"No."

"Hmm… Maybe subconsciously you remember something?"

"This is not what happened with Dr. Chakwas and Miranda."

"It's not necessarily you will remember just because you look at them long enough or they tell you a story enough time."

"So what this means?"

"That is for you to figure out."

Shepard, Liara, Matt and Maddison continue to have conversations for a few hours more before Liara excuse herself. Matt also left a few minutes later as his shift started. With only Shepard and Maddison left, they continue their therapy session but Shepard still didn't remember a single thing about Liara.

* * *

><p>It has been 2 months now since Shepard wakes up and didn't remember a single thing over the past few years. Her session with Maddison has helped her remember a few things and now she mostly remember her crew members but still didn't have a slightest clue over Liara despite she can feel something different whenever she saw Liara.<p>

For Liara, it was hard seeing her bondmate didn't even remember even a tiny detail about her. She has decided to stay on Earth a little bit longer in a hope of having Shepard remember her in the near future. Mostly she just doesn't want to leave Shepard because there is something that she needed to tell her.

"Hey kid."

Liara was startled by her father as she waiting for her father arrival at a dock. Aethyta has decided to check on her daughter as she refused to go back to Thessia.

"You're thinking about the great Commander Shepard?" asked Aethyta as she sits next to Liara in the arrival lounge.

"Something you need to tell me?" asked Aethyta as Liara didn't respond to her previous question.

"No." answered Liara. Her voice was low and barely just above a whisper.

"So that kid I feel inside you is just my imagination?"

"How did you know?" asked Liara in surprise.

"All Matriarch and Justicar can sense when other Asari pregnant… Shepard is the father?"

"Yes…"

"Did she know?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I only found out about it a few days after she'd wake up. I didn't tell her because she didn't even remember me…" said Liara as she starts to cry.

"Shush now kid… She will remember you." console Aethyta as she hugs her daughter.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Grace. What for dinner today?" asked Maddison as she walk into the living room where Shepard at.<p>

Shepard didn't respond to Maddison question as she just sits there in the sofa holding something and clearly deep in thought.

"Earth to Shepard?"

"Huh?"

"What are you holding in your hand?" asked Maddison as she settles in the sofa in front of Shepard.

"I found this among the things my mother got from my apartment on the Citadel." answered Shepard as she show Maddison a ring with a beautiful gems on it.

"Beautiful gems. What is it? It's not a diamond or any gems that we usually found on Earth."

"I don't know but somehow I have a feeling in the back of my head that I know what is it."

"So?"

"Did someone propose to me or I was the one who going to do it?"

"I don't know, buddy."

"Don't tell me I never tell you?"

"Oh you did but I'm not going to tell you anything."

"Come on, Maddison."

"As your best friend, I would love to tell you but as your doctor I don't recommend it."

"Enough with this best friend/doctor thing. I need to know, Maddison." said Shepard in frustration.

"Listen, Shepard. You need to know? Then remember it yourself. I'm not going to tell you about it. I want you to remember it. Even if I tell you about it, it's not going to help you unlock your past memory. There are some things that better you remember it yourself than believing what people talking about it. This is such a thing… You love someone, Grace. If I simply tell you who and you don't remember anything, what going to happen? You have to remember it yourself." explain Maddison.

"I guess I can see your point."

"I know it's frustrating, Grace. But you will remember. You have done a great progress so far. All you need is time and eventually you will remember everything."

* * *

><p><strong>AN : So how am I doing? This is probably the most complicated chapter I ever done so far so I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to tell here. If not please tell me and I will do my best to explain it to you or make you guys understand it in the future chapters. In the next chapter I will try to explain Arthur a bit more as I decided to introduce Maddison and Matt first. Anyway I have set a target that by chapter 5, Shepard will finally remember. That's is the fastest you going to get it but if I found any idea that will need to delay Shepard from remembering, I will give way to that idea first. Anyway even if Shepard remembers, this does not mean that I will put a stop to this story. I will continue to happy ending or doing a 'damage control', depending on how and when Shepard remembers it and how much damage has been done. Or maybe a bit of both because I'm enjoying writing this story as some of my ideas that doesn't seem appropriate for Forever After, I can just write it here… For my readers than been following Forever After, I promise you that I'm working on a new chapter for the story so that means I will put a hold on this story until I update Forever After. **


	3. Heartache

**A/N : I'm just going to tell you guys this… Prepare yourself for a cliffhanger by the end of this chapter. Also there will be some scene that going to be playing with your feeling. Well I think that's a fair warning… So without further ado…**

* * *

><p>Chapter 3 : Heartache<p>

Two more weeks has gone by. Two more weeks has gone by without Shepard remembering about what she felt towards Liara T'Soni. Liara slowly losing her faith and hope that Shepard will ever remember her and worst, now her daughter would never feel the love Shepard will pour her with. This is worst than having Shepard die… All dark thoughts flooded Liara mind as she sit at a restaurant near her apartment that she rented. She didn't even realize someone approaching her before sit in front of her.

"Hey, Liara." greet Shepard as she saw Liara sit alone in the restaurant on her way to someplace else.

"…Shepard." said Liara as she was surprised seeing the person in front of her.

"You're eating alone for lunch today?"

"Yes. Well… I'm not really alone."

"What do you mean?"

"I… I'm pregnant…"

"Really? Well I'm happy for you. Congratulations! Who's the lucky guy? Well you know what it's not my place to pry."

"No. It's okay. I…" before Liara could say what she wants to say, she suddenly having a headache."

"Are you okay? You don't look so good." asked Shepard worryingly.

"I feel lightheaded…"

"Come on, let's go see a doctor."

"It's okay, Shepard. I'm fine."

"No. You're not fine, Liara. Come on, I will get you home."

"But I haven't eaten yet."

"I will cook something for you at your apartment."

"But there's nothing in my apartment."

"Then I will go buy some ingredients from the grocery store. Now no more arguing, you either let me get you home willingly or I will drag you."

Liara finally give up and let Shepard send her to her apartment. Shepard then rush to the nearest grocery store to buy some ingredients and she return home 10 minutes later.

"You can just order the food from the restaurant, you know." said Liara as she watch Shepard preparing to cook.

"There's no Asari food at that restaurant." said Shepard as she starts cooking.

"You know how to cook Asari food?"

"Yes. I got this recipe from Mess Sergeant Gardner… Honestly I have no idea why I asked for Asari food recipe. I felt like there's a reason why I asked him for the recipe, maybe because it tasted good?"

"How much do you remember?"

"From what Maddison told me, I know half of everything already. I also remembered that I met you on Therum. I saved you from Prothean stasis. But that's about it."

"I see…" said Liara as a hint of disappointment could be heard from her voice.

"So what make you stay on Earth?"

"There something I need to do here."

"Yeah, like what?"

"You won't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"I… I can't. I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Very well then… Well if you not having anything plan for tomorrow, I could show you some sight around here."

"I would love that."

"Good then. I pick you up at 9 am?"

"That sounds good." replied Liara with a small smile.

"Well I'm all done with the food. Now I need to excuse myself or I will be late for my lunch date with Matt." said Shepard as she turn off the stove.

"A lunch date with Matt?" asked Liara as she start to feel uneasy.

"Yes. Matt thought it would be nice if we could do something normal for a change. Well I better go now. See you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

As Shepard out of the door, Aethyta who has been watching the whole scene unfold silently, stand beside Liara.

"Father. How long have you been here?" asked Liara in surprised.

"Long enough to hear you still didn't tell her about who's the father of the baby you're carrying."

"I couldn't bring myself to tell her."

"You want me to tell her?" asked Aethyta as she walks toward the stove.

"Please don't. I can't have her hate on our daughter."

"How do you know she will hate the baby?"

"Please father. It's my decision. I'm not going to tell her about the father of the baby until she remembers our love."

"If you're going to be here forever, she going to figure it out herself. And I don't think she won't think of you as a crazy person. So why don't you go back to Thessia, little wing? Give her some space."

"I would think about it, father."

"Well that kid sure knows how to cook. I never taste other species cook an Asari food this good." said Aethyta as she taste the food Shepard prepared.

* * *

><p>After leaving Liara apartment, Shepard rushed to a meeting place she agreed to meet Matt. It's a park near the hospital Matt work at and also at a walking distance from Liara apartment.<p>

"Hey Matt. I'm sorry for being late." said Shepard as she sits down next to Matt.

"No worry. I just got off from work anyway."

"So what are we doing here?"

"Well I planned to have a lunch slash picnic here but since I didn't have any time to prepare anything, I really have no idea what we should do."

"That's very romantic, Matt." chuckle Shepard.

"Well… I wasn't planning on being romantic but will peanut butter and jelly do for our lunch today? That's all I could find from the hospital break room."

"Who's PB&J did you rob, Matt?"

"It may or may not be, Maddison." said Matt as he trying to stifle laughter.

"Well now I know where my PB&J gone this morning."

"Now I know why it tasted so good."

"Now you just being charming." said Shepard as she push Matt jokingly.

"I couldn't help it. I'm a charming guy."

"Of course you are."

After a few minutes of quite but comfortable silent, Matt start being serious…

"Grace… I have been thinking ever since the war ended. How I truly feel. I never date anyone ever since we broke up. I couldn't love anyone else other than you. We should have tried instead of choosing our careers. I still love you, Grace." said Matt as he slowly reaches out to Shepard hand.

"Matt…"

"Just tell me that you have someone else and I will back off. If not, please. Don't shut me down."

"I… I don't know, Matt. I think I do but I don't remember."

"If that was the case, give me a chance. If you in love with someone, there's no way you won't remember who they are. That must be the first thing that you will remember but you didn't. It's a fate. We belong together, Grace."

"Matt… I…" before Shepard could finish her sentence, Matt kiss her on the lips. Instead of pushing him, Shepard ended up kissing Matt back.

* * *

><p>After her so call lunch date with Matt, Shepard head back to her family estate. As soon as she stepped into the front yard, she could see her father looking over in the distance by the small lake they have around the estate. Shepard starts walking towards her father before she sits next to her father.<p>

"How your lunch dated with Matt?" asked Arthur as her daughter sit next to her.

"We just talked, dad."

"Just talked… Next thing I know you two are going to get marry."

"Come on, dad. Why did you hate him so much? You seem to always find a fight with me."

"First, he's not worthy of you and second, I never find a fight with you."

"If he's not worthy of me, then who would? You always hate every guy that I dated. You always find a reason to hate them. And yes, you always find a fight with me. Remembered when you asked me to quit the Alliance and joined you with family business?"

"Someone who's worthy of you is someone who do anything to have you. Someone who will not going to choose their career over you. Someone who going to be patient with you and someone who always going to be there for you… The reason I wanted you to leave the Alliance because that job going to kill you, and it already did! If not because of what Cerberus did, I don't have a daughter anymore."

"Come on, dad. We both made the decision and I couldn't ask him to do anything."

"You don't have to ask him to do anything. If he loves you, he will do it himself. When I married your mother, I always knew that if either one of us going to have a career, it will always be your mother... You're just like your mother, you love your job too much to put it behind your personal life. When you find someone who going to put you over their career or when you find someone you willing to sacrifice your job, then you find the one. But Matt is not the one."

"…Maybe I already find someone…"

"What do you mean?"

"I found a ring among my stuff mother got from my apartment on the Citadel. If I'm willing to marry that person in the middle of the war…"

"Then you find the one. Who's the lucky person?"

"I don't know… I still can't remember anything about I'm falling in love with someone. But I feel like I know who that is but I just can't put my finger on it. It's like you seeing someone before but you couldn't place where you see them before."

"Why don't you ask Maddison?"

"That's the problem. She didn't want to say anything about it. It's so frustrating."

"Why don't you confront her about it?"

"I don't want to start a fight with her."

"It's your choice, Grace."

"Dad… Didn't you ever regret leaving the Alliance?"

"No. I joined the Alliance because your grandfather thought it will teach me discipline and leadership. Two most important things that your grandfather thought are important for me to learn before I ready to take over the family company… But it didn't mean I didn't enjoy my time with the Alliance. I met your mother and it helped me survive the war."

"Dad, do you think it's better if I didn't remember the last few years of my life?"

"After what you see and went through? I have to say yes. But would it be better of not knowing it? People are telling you left and right what you did, it better to remember it than listening to what people are telling you."

"I hate not knowing. For most part of the time, I don't even know what they were talking. But the worst part is the look of some people face when I didn't remember something. It's like I forgot something that matter so much to them…"

"You will remember, Grace. It just a matter of time." said Arthur as he give her daughter a hug.

* * *

><p>At 9 am sharp, Shepard already waits in front of Liara apartment. She waste no time to ring the bell and a few seconds later, Liara open the front door and looking gorgeously. As Shepard saw Liara, she feel herself couldn't breathe as soon as her eyes saw Liara at the front door.<p>

"…You look great, Liara." said Shepard after a few seconds of silent.

"Thank you."

"So… Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." said Liara as she step out from the front door and lock it.

"Where are we going?" asked Liara as she followed Shepard to a sky car park nearby.

"That a surprise. I hope you didn't eat anything heavy from breakfast."

"No. Why?"

"You will know more once we arrive."

After 30 minutes of ride on the sky car, they finally arrived.

"Wow. This place is beautiful." said Liara as she got out from the sky car.

"This is my favorite place to go whenever I'm on Earth… I found this place when I was on a hike. I never take anyone here before. You're the first person that I show this place."

Shepard took out a basket and a backpack and head out a few foot forwards from where she parked the sky car. Shepard finds a place near the waterfall but not close enough to get wet from the waterfall and she start to place the blanket from her backpack on the ground around a small stream before set down the basket and start to sit down. After looking around the place, Liara finally sit down next to Shepard.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Shepard."

"The pleasure is all mine… Honestly I have no idea why I want to bring you here. My heart has been begging me to take you here… Every time I'm around you, I feel safe, comfortable and there's nothing that worry me. I know that sound weird but it just a feeling that I had."

"No. It's not weird at all." said Liara as a small smile appears.

"I prepared some sandwiches. After we eat them I will take you on a little hike." said Shepard as she get 2 sandwiches and napkins from the basket.

After both of them done eating, Shepard took Liara on a little hike through the forest around where they picnic. After 5 minutes of hiking they are on top of the waterfall they saw from their picnic place.

"Come on, there's another great place just across this stream. The waters aren't too deep but the rocks can be very slippery. If you don't want to get wet, you better not fall."

"I never did anything like this before."

"What if you walk first and I follow you from behind to make sure you won't fall? Just take it slow and easy. And don't worry, I will catch you if you fall." reassure Shepard.

Liara slowly step into the first rock and before long Liara find no problems of crossing the stream until they are in the middle. As Liara want to hurriedly across the stream, she didn't step into one of the rock properly and as she just about to fall into the water, Shepard instinctively hug her from behind and as both of them fall into the water with Shepard taking the most of the fall.

"Are you alright, Shepard?" asked Liara worryingly as both of them still in the water.

"I think I'm fine. How about you? Wait! Your baby?" asked Shepard in panic.

"I'm fine, Shepard. You take most of the fall."

"This is such a bad idea. What was I thinking?" said Shepard as she beating herself.

"Don't beat yourself up, Shepard. I have a great time." reassure Liara as she put her hand on Shepard shoulder.

"Are you sure the baby is okay? We should go to the hospital." said Shepard as she still worry.

"I am fine, Shepard. We Asari could feel the baby inside us and she is fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." said Liara as she put both of her hands on top of Shepard shoulders.

As both of them getting so close with each other, both of them look at each other eyes before they slowly lean in close. As both of their lips only a few inches apart, Shepard omni-tool beeping. Shepard instantly back down and Liara rubs her temple in disappointment.

"Shepard here." said Shepard as she answered her omni-tool.

"Hey buddy. Forgetting something?" said Maddison as holo of her appear on Shepard omni-tool.

"Like what?"

"Like your doctor appointment? The Alliance needs you to do a final medical evaluation before you're back on duty."

"Damn. I forgot."

"I figure that out… I'm not interrupting anything do I?" said Maddison apologetically as she can see Liara with Shepard.

"See you at the hospital, Maddison." said Shepard as she hang up.

"I'm sorry about that."

"You're back on duty?"

"Yes. I should start next week. That is if my medical examination didn't show any problem other than the fact I still didn't quite remember the last few years of my life"

"I see…"

"I really am sorry about all this, I promise I will make it up for you tomorrow?"

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't? Was it because of that almost kiss? I really am sorry about that. I don't know what got into me."

"No… It wasn't about that. I'm leaving for Thessia tomorrow."

"You leaving for Thessia?" said Shepard in disappointment.

"I've been here long enough and nothing really changes. At least not something that I have hoped."

"What didn't change?"

"It's nothing."

"Please, tell me. Maybe I can help?" asked Shepard as you could hear a desperation in her voice.

"You are."

"What that supposed to mean?"

"Please, Shepard. Just get me home." said Liara as tears threatening to spill.

45 minutes later, Shepard set down the sky car near Liara apartment. The whole ride home fills with awkward silent. As Liara got out from the sky car, Shepard could only watch her as she still puzzled on Liara reaction before. When Liara got to her apartment, the tears she's been holding start to spill as she cry on what happened. She was so closed on getting the love of her life back but she still so far away. She could sense that Shepard is in love with someone else when she was touching her. And she could feel that Shepard didn't have the same feeling she had before she forgot everything in the last few years.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : First of all I am sorry for this short shorter than the last 2 chapters but I hope it still a good chapter. Secondly I want to say sorry if there are some emotions I'm not successfully deliver. Anyway to answer any question you may had, I just want to say that Shepard still didn't actually remember who Liara is even though she could feel something different when she's with Liara. I will explain or make more sense of that in future chapters. I also want to say that it's not my intention to make Shepard as a jerk or a player or whatever that pops into your head. I mean by kissing Matt back and that almost kissing part with Liara. But I couldn't help but to have that almost kissing part with Liara. Also I want to have Shepard have this conflict of interest of still in love with her ex-fiancée but also have this indescribable feeling towards Liara. But I would explain it further in future chapters. Anyway let me think what you guys think about this chapter.**


	4. Figuring It Out

**A/N : Sorry for this late chapter. I was having problem figuring out how to do this chapter. This took a lot longer than I expected and harder than I thought. Anyway since I'm so happy since my favorite artist new album just came out, I'm going to make Shepard remember a little bit about Liara. I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4 : Figuring It Out<p>

After her medical evaluation, Shepard couldn't bother to know if she fit for duty or not as she just simply storm of the hospital as soon as she's done. Shepard head straight home before she send her best friend an email asking her to come meet her. Shepard decided to wait for her best friend near the small lake around her house. As she sits on the bench overlooking the small lake, Shepard let her mind wonder. She didn't even realize how many minutes pass by and the next thing she knew is her best friend already sitting next to her.

"I got your email. What the urgent? You didn't pass your medical examination?" asked Maddison as she settling in next to Shepard.

"I don't know…" answered Shepard as her eyes gaze the small lake in front of her like it will give her the answers she's been asking in her head.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I storm out of the hospital as soon as I'm done. I'm not even bothered to wait for the result."

"So why did you call me here?" asked Maddison as she not even bother to ask her best friend why she just storm out of the hospital.

"I need you to give me some answers. I need you to be honest with me."

"If it's regarding the last few years of your life, there's some I can and I can't tell you."

"Please Maddison. I need to figure out why I feel the way I feel right now."

"What did you feel?"

"In my head, Matt is still the love of my life. I don't know why we even decided to chose our careers ahead of our love. On the other hand, every time I spend time with Liara, I have this feeling that I could not just described. A feeling I never feel before. It felt stronger than a feeling when you're in love."

"What did you remember?"

"Since our last session? Nothing."

"You know brain is still something that confuses every single being in the galaxy. You thought by 21st century, we already figure out the brain but it stills something we just couldn't fully understand it… The brain is a funny thing. They have their own defense mechanism that will protect you by hiding some of your memories. But you never know if you will ever be able to remember that memories again."

"Your point is?"

"My point is your brain can hide all the feelings they want but they couldn't lie your heart on how you feel before. Those emotions we felt tend to stay with you for the rest of your life... Subconsciously you remembered her."

"And again, what is your point?"

"Don't you see? Your heart or actually subconsciously you remembered something that your brain still decided to hide. I can't believe you still can't connect all the dots."

"You mean?"

"Why do you think Liara stay here a lot longer than your other crew members? Why do you think she'd the first person you saw once you open your eyes?"

"But… She's pregnant."

"She's what? This is why I shouldn't say anything."

"You think… The baby…"

"Listen to me, Grace. First of all you cannot over think this. You have made great progress on recovering your memories. Now all you need is to find that one magic moment before you remember everything."

"I need to go see her." said Shepard as she tried to get up before being stopped.

"So you can tell her what? That you think you're the father of her baby but you still didn't remember a single thing about what you two had? You're going to hurt her more than comfort her."

"Then what am I supposed to do?!"

"Just live your life. You're going back to work next week and let just focus on that first. You need to figure it out. What you feel towards Liara and how you feel about Matt. Once you figure out both of the feelings, you can do whatever you want. But before that pretend like you didn't forget the last few years of your life. You need to feel sure about your feeling first, Grace. I can tell you whatever you want to know but I couldn't return your memories. Telling and remembering is two different things."

Shepard couldn't say anything to argue with her best friend because she knew, Maddison is right. There's nothing she could do except trying to figure out her feelings and remembering the last few years of her life.

* * *

><p>Liara is back on Thessia with Aethyta. For the whole ride on the shuttle, Liara didn't say a word. Actually she didn't say a single thing ever since she got back from her 'date' with Shepard. Aethyta couldn't get her to tell her anything when she saw her daughter bawling her eyes out ever since she got back from meeting with Shepard.<p>

For Liara, all the hope she kept ever since Shepard woke up and didn't remember the last few years, are all gone. There's no more hope in Liara eyes that the love of her life is going to remember her. When she first saw Shepard again after Cerberus rebuilt her, when she touched Shepard, she could sense that Shepard still love her. But now, she couldn't feel that anymore. Even there is that glimpse of love Shepard had for her, it's in the shadow behind Shepard feeling towards Matt.

Liara thought having Shepard alive even if she didn't remember her will be better than having Shepard die again. But there's no worst feeling that Liara could feel right now that knowing the love of her life may never remember her again and is in love with someone else. All Liara have of Shepard is the baby inside of her but even then Liara don't know if she could look at her daughter without remembering Shepard… The love she had with Shepard.

* * *

><p>Shepard has been clear for duty and the Alliance has assigned her aboard the Normandy. Before reporting for duty, Shepard has agreed to meet with Matt at a park near where the Normandy dock. When she arrived, Matt is already waiting for her.<p>

"Hey, Grace." greet Matt as she saw Shepard before plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey, Matt. I can't be here long."

"I know. Thank you for finding a time to meet though… It's been awhile since I saw you in your uniform."

"When you called, it sounded serious."

"I'm sorry if it made you worry but I really need to meet you… You never answered me when I asked you to give us another chance. I know that we kiss but I know it wasn't your answer either. I really want to make us work. I'm willing to sacrifice my career if that's mean you will be with me. I have no problem of you staying in the Alliance."

"What about your career?"

"As long as I work at a hospital or a clinic, I will be fine. As long as I have you." said Matt as he takes a small box out of his pocket.

"I bought this ring for you and I don't want anyone else to wear it. You don't have to give me the answer right away, all I need is you to think about it." add Matt as he open the small box and revealing a beautiful diamond ring.

"Matt…"

"No. Don't give me any excuse. Just take this ring and think about it. Please, Grace. I know you still feel the same way towards me. I still love you Grace and there's no one else that could take my heart the way you do."

"The last few years of my life are still vague in my mind. I think there is someone else and I couldn't give you an answer until I remember everything."

"I will be waiting for you, as long as you need to figure it out. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

><p>After the war, the Normandy has been ground side to do some repairs among other thing. It's back on duty a few weeks ago with Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams acting as Commanding Officer. Most of the crew has stay aboard the Normandy only just a few lower ranking crew has been assigned to new duty aboard other ships.<p>

"Welcome back, Commander." greet EDI through the Normandy speaker.

Despite what the Catalyst told Shepard, EDI, the Geth or the AI in general were not destroyed. They were some malfunction here and there but nothing that couldn't be repair. The same goes to the Mass Relay and the Citadel.

"Thank you, EDI." replied Shepard as she's head towards the bridge.

"Commander, it's nice to see you again. It's not the same having Ashley in charge." said Joker as he turn around the chair he sitting so he will be facing Shepard.

"It's good to be back." said Shepard with a smile before she's starting heading to the CIC.

"Commander." greet Traynor as Shepard stop beside her.

"Specialist Traynor. It's good to see you decided to stay aboard the Normandy. I'm surprised."

"I take it you remember me, Commander? Well what can I say, you rub off on me."

"Yes. I remember most of the things now."

"That's good to know, Commander."

After talking with Traynor, Shepard took the elevator to her cabin. She knew if there are any clues regarding her relationship with Liara, it had to be in her cabin. That is if the Alliance didn't move anything from her cabin. After the elevator door open, Shepard rushed towards her cabin door and after unlocking it she could see Ashley already waiting for her.

"Good to see you again, Skipper. I thought you were bailing on us."

"Me? Never. What are you doing here, Ash?"

"Just making sure the Alliance didn't move anything from your cabin. I make it clear that no one can touch anything in your cabin. I know that you will come up here to find clues."

"How do you know?"

"Dr. Sinclair told me. Listen Skipper, I don't know if anything in the cabin can help you remember Liara, but something in your apartment on the Citadel, may help you."

"Thank you, Ash." said Shepard as Ashley excuse herself and exit the Captain cabin.

Shepard look around the cabin and her fish clearly well feed by the aquarium VI she installed. Now that's money well spent, thought Shepard. Shepard then looks at collections of ships and she knew no one touch it. It's funny how she could remember where each of her collections of ships at but she can't remember other thing like who really is Liara T'Soni. Shepard then took a look at her space hamster cage. It surprised her how her hamster didn't run away like the last time.

After making sure her hamster is alright, Shepard approach her desk where a frame is. As she got close, a picture of Liara was shown on the frame. Shepard took the frame and look at the picture of Liara.

"I'm sorry, Liara. If you are the love of my life, I will remember you." promise Shepard in her heart.

* * *

><p>After the Normandy arrived on the Citadel, Shepard was called to the council chamber alongside Ashley. Each councilor are alive as they were not on the Citadel when the Reapers seized the Citadel. But Councilor Sparatus were replaced by Councilor Quentius who are less hostile.<p>

"Commander Shepard. On behalf of other councils, I want to say thank you for everything you did to defeat the Reapers." said Councilor Tevos.

"The reason we have you and Lieutenant Commander Williams here is to discuss with you two regarding the new human councilor." said Councilor Valern.

"The Alliance has sent two names who they think will do great as the new human councilor since Captain Anderson has turned down the offer to re-join the council." said Councilor Quentius.

"It's Admiral Steven Hackett and Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard. Both of them you know very well, Commander Shepard." add Councilor Tevos.

"But we have agreed to have you as the new human councilor, Commander Shepard. If you are willing." said Councilor Quentius.

"I'm humble by your offer but I will be respectfully turn it down. I think I'm done playing politician, for now. Whoever you choose for the seat, both are great soldier and leader. They will do human proud. But knowing Admiral Hackett, I will be very surprise if he agrees to join the council. It won't be easy for him to left his Fifth Fleet." said Shepard.

"What about you, Lieutenant Commander Williams?" asked Councilor Tevos.

"Commander Shepard knows both Admiral Hackett and Rear Admiral Shepard better than I do. But I agree with Commander Shepard, either way you couldn't do wrong." answered Ashley.

"Very well then. We will discuss more with the Alliance regarding the new human councilor. That would be all. Thank you for meeting us, Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Commander Williams." said Councilor Tevos.

"Well what I want to know is why the Alliance is yet to promote you, Shepard. You should be a Captain or Admiral by now." asked Ashley as they leave the council chamber.

"They are going to hold my promotion until I remember everything that happened on the Citadel.

"That is full of crap, Shepard."

"I really don't care, Ash. What I want right now is to remember the last few years of my life."

"You're going to your apartment, Shepard?"

"Yes. You can go back aboard the Normandy. Tell Joker to prepare for departure. As soon as I'm done looking around the apartment, we are going straight to Palaven."

"Roger that, Shepard." said Ashley as she headed towards docking bay D24.

After taking sky car to Silversun Strip, Shepard took the elevator up to her apartment that Anderson gave her in the hope of finding some clues regarding her relationship with Liara. After what people are telling her, she surprised to see her apartment or the Citadel for that matter of fact are still like it was before the war. Maybe the Reapers are more focus on stopping her than harvesting people on the Citadel. Thought Shepard as she take a look around the apartment.

There isn't much Shepard found in the apartment that could help her. Shepard then decided to turn on the TV near the bar when the first thing she saw was a picture of her and the rest of the crew. Shepard saw how in the picture she was looking at Liara and Liara was looking at her. That wasn't just any look, but a look of love. After transferring the picture to her datapad, Shepard started walking back to the front door when something lured her to the piano.

Shepard learned how to play keyboard when she was 10 years old or so but just for a few lessons and she doubt she remembered any of her lessons. But for some reason she just wanted to go near the piano. As she got closer, Shepard playfully playing a few keys before she's having a flashback.

**_*Glyph play a song on the piano*_**

**_"_****_Shepard, I…"_**

**_Shepard immediately grab Liara arm as she was about to walk away from her._**

**_"_****_What are you doing?"_**

**_"_****_Making sure you don't run off to something more important."_**

**_"_****_I can't imagine what that would be."_**

**_"_****_We should do this more often."_**

**_"_****_Yes, well. Maybe after…"_**

**_"_****_Every day after."_**

* * *

><p><strong>AN : I'm sorry for this super late and short chapter. But I can't think of better idea of finishing this chapter than having Shepard remember something about Liara. And I sort of finished this in a cliffhanger cause what that would mean? Did she finally remember Liara or it will complicate things? You are going to get the answer in chapter 5 and yes, I'm true to my promise because Shepard is going to remember everything in chapter 5. But not without some problems that are going to happen. So I think next chapter is going to be a lot longer and probably the longest chapter. Mostly this chapter is to give you more pieces of the puzzles and also to tell you that Shepard is trying to figure out her feeling towards Matt and Liara. **


	5. This Love

**A/N : This chapter took longer than I expected it to be. Probably because after every scene I keep figuring out how the next scene will go. Anyway first thing first I want to give a shout out to RED78910 for feeling the way I feel regarding Shepard/Matt and Shepard/Liara. Maybe in this story I didn't give much justice to Matt but if you read my other story you know what kind of person Matt is minus the reason why they broke up and the occasional being a jerk part. He actually such a nice guy and maybe he's not that charming but mostly what girl want is a guy who are nice, first and foremost. So I will keep my promise that Shepard will remember Liara in this chapter but that doesn't mean it will be a happy ending to Shepard and Liara. You want happy ending for both of them? Go read my other story, Forever After. But there still will be happy ending in this story but it won't be in this chapter or the next few chapters (maybe).**

**One last thing, I want to explain about my way of writing Shepard full name. If you read Forever After you know that I stated that I won't be using Shepard first name so much and I feel the same way for this story. Mostly because in my personal experience it get a little weird and annoying when I read other fan fictions where the author used their Shepard first name every time. I also want you can relate your Shepard to my Shepard. So I hope you understand why I will call Shepard as Shepard instead of her first name that I given. But Hannah, Arthur, Maddison and Matt will all called Shepard by her first name, Grace because well they are her parents/best friend/ex fiancée and they know her even before she joined the Alliance where your last name is your name and your rank is your first name. But I won't be writing Liara to call Shepard by her first name because Liara always called her by her last name and it also easy for all my readers to put their Shepard as my Shepard. I hope I made myself clear. So without further ado…**

* * *

><p>Chapter 5 : This Love<p>

It has been six weeks since Shepard having a flashback over one of her memories with Liara but that doesn't mean she remember everything about their relationship. Instead of giving her more answer, Shepard found herself having more question. In other hand her feeling towards Matt still genuine and she remembered everything about her history with Matt but in the other hand she only feel she have some sort of connection with Liara but for the life of her, she couldn't remember much about her relationship with the Asari.

That picture she saw of her and Liara, that look she gave, that was the same look she gave to Matt…

Shepard so deep in thought that she didn't even realize her mother approaches her. With the Normandy dock at the Citadel for a few days of shore leave, Shepard found herself looking over the presidium as she sit at one of the benches at the presidium.

"Hey Grace." greet her mother as she sit down next to her daughter.

"Mom. I didn't realize you were coming."

"Not a surprise since you looked so deep in thought… Is something bothering you, Grace?"

"I'm still trying to figure things out."

"Love is a complicated thing…"

"How did you know that dad was the one?" asked Shepard after a long silent.

"Before I met your dad, I didn't even bother about dating. Your dad was quite persistent and the next thing I know, he already kneeled on one knee and proposed to me."

"And yet you said yes."

"Where do you think you get your charm?"

"…Matt sort of proposed to me again."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing… He said he willing to wait for me until I figuring things out."

"Matt is a nice guy, Grace. Your dad and I know that he will take care of you but the most important thing is your happiness… I met Liara when you still in coma. She seems like a great girl."

"Yeah, she is."

* * *

><p>After talking with her mother, Shepard headed towards her apartment. After a 5 minutes ride on the sky car, Shepard arrived at the Silversun Strip. She waste no time to head towards the elevator despite there some report stopping her to answer some question before they were being stop by a few C-Sec officer. After arriving at her apartment, Shepard head straight towards her home office and start searching her bookshelves.<p>

Shepard wasn't expecting to find anything until she came across a piece of paper stuck out from one of the books. Shepard immediately grabbed the book and she open it to the page where the paper is before start reading what's on the paper.

**_Dear me, _**

**_If you're reading this either you finally clean up your bookshelves or something happen. But if it's not me as in Commander Grace Shepard, stop reading this! That's an order. But if something were happen to me than you may need to read this. But only to Dr. Liara T'Soni. No one else. _**

**_First I want to say Liara T'Soni, I love you with my whole heart. I'm sorry that I have to break my promise. I knew deep down that I will just do about anything to stop the Reapers even by sacrificing myself. I really want all those little blue babies but I couldn't leave you a galaxy where it's not safe for you to live in. I'm sorry if I hurt you but you will be better off without me. You have to believe me. We met when Saren threaten this galaxy peace and it wasn't a good place to start a relationship. Then you saw me got spaced out and you spend 2 years of your life mourning me._**

**_I shouldn't have tried to get you back but I love you so much that I couldn't just let you go. Now I think I'm being selfish but if after all of this I died again and being rebuilt again, I won't let you go through it again. I couldn't let you spend another years mourning me and then have me begging you again. I love you so much that I couldn't bear to see you get hurt again because of me. So please Liara, if you love me, let me go and find someone that will truly make you happy and will always be there for you. But always know that I will always love you, Liara._**

**_Shepard, if you're reading this and somehow in a new twist you survived the war and you forgot everything, don't ever remember who is Liara. Don't put her through it again. But if you're fine and alive, you better propose to her by now and leave the Alliance. Those 3 years of your relationship with Liara while fighting Reapers are enough. Don't put her in a spot where she have to worry if you ever get back alive from a mission again. _**

**_Truthfully,_**

**_Commander Shepard_**

**_Commanding Officer of the Normandy_**

**_Alliance Navy_**

**_Special Tactics and Reconnaissance_**

"Easy to say than do it, does it Grace?" thought Shepard as she finished reading the paper.

* * *

><p>On Thessia, Liara already settles in with her father as she is now 5 months pregnant. She spends most of her time working on her Shadow Broker resources with Glyph. From time to time, Liara found herself using her resources to check in on Shepard. All she knows was Shepard back on duty and has been instructed to visits Palaven, Rannoch, Tuchanka and Thessia. It also comes to her attention that the Council has offered her the position as the new human councilor but she turned it down.<p>

When she arrived on Thessia almost 7 weeks ago, she promised to start moving on because she knew there isn't any chance of Shepard will remember her. It's been too long and Shepard still found herself remember so little about her when she doesn't seem to have problem remembering others. Now all Liara want to do is to take care of her unborn daughter, the last good thing of her relationship with Shepard. But she couldn't help it but still thinking about Shepard.

She could deny it all day long but she still have a little hope left that Shepard will remember her and they will live together forever after like those fairytales on Earth. Mostly Liara want her daughter to know who Shepard is. Not just someone who save the galaxy but also as her daughter father and the love of her life. If Shepard will never remember her, Liara had to keep it a secret who's her daughter father is because she couldn't have Shepard hating their daughter.

After visiting Palaven, Rannoch and Tuchanka, it's time for the Normandy to visit Thessia. After 3 days of shore leave on the Citadel, the crews of the Normandy report back for duty.

"Hey Commander. You ready to head to Thessia?" asked Joker.

"Let me know when we arrive. I need to speak with Kenneth and Gabby." answered Shepard as she didn't want to think of the fact they are heading to Thessia.

"You think Shepard still have a hard time figuring out who Liara is?" asked Joker to his co-pilot slash girlfriend, EDI after Shepard leave the bridge.

EDI decided to answer Joker question with silence. Because for EDI, Shepard has been such a great friend and she didn't want to say anything that could hurt Shepard feeling or even make a joke about the situation Shepard is in.

"You're no fun, EDI."

As the Normandy leave the dock and head towards Thessia, Shepard already in the Engineering as she's need to talk with both of her engineers.

"Hey Shepard." greet Kenneth.

"Commander." greet Gabby.

"Kenneth, Gabby. There's something I need to discuss with you two. Apparently the Alliance has come across the news of you two are dating.

"I bet it's the new Ensign with the big mouth told the Alliance about us." said Kenneth madly.

"We don't know that." said Gabby as she tries to calm Kenneth down.

"Well, who else? We all know every one of the crew members here are very loyal and close like a family. We don't stab each other back. Not until the Alliance send us the new Ensign along 3 other lower ranks Enlisted."

"I'm not going to point finger until I know for sure. But don't worry. I argue that your relationship doesn't affect the chain of command. That is until one of you get promote, the Alliance agreed it won't be a problem. If one of you get promote, you two can't work together again." said Shepard.

"You argue on behalf of us, Commander?" asked Gabby.

"It's my job as your Commanding Officer. Listen, I'm happy for both of you and it's about time you two realized you're made for each other."

"It was thanks to you, Shepard." said Kenneth.

"Just make sure you two stay professional."

"Yes ma'am." said both Kenneth and Gabby.

* * *

><p>The Normandy finally arrived on Thessia and Shepard wasted no time as he called Ashley and James to come with her meeting a few of Asari Matriarch. From what Shepard heard, Samara will be there too.<p>

From the meeting, the Asari Matriarch wanted Shepard to oversee Asari commandos to give them a boost. It's basically the same job she had on Palaven, Rannoch and Tuchanka. Except in Rannoch, Shepard had to oversee some deal being made between the Geth and the Quarians.

"So different planet, same boring job huh?" said Ashley as she broke the silence.

"I don't get it. Why do they need to see Lola so they could get some morale boost?" add James.

"Because I saved the galaxy? Honestly I rather do desk duty than go to another planet and show my face for morale sake."

"You know Lola, you can always apply for N7 training instructor."

"So you can pass N7 training easily?"

"That would be nice."

"Dream on, James. Just because I know what you capable of, I won't be any easier with you."

"Trust me, Vega. You don't want Shepard as your N7 training instructor. My body still sore from that drill she did with the crews of Normandy SR-1." said Ashley.

"Oh that? That was nothing, Ash."

"What happened?" asked James dumbfounded.

"It was after the battle of the Citadel. On one of our routine patrol, Shepard decided it best if we do some drill. So we stopped at one of human colony planet to do the drill. None of the crew can move a finger the next day." explained Ashley.

"Don't tell me that worst compare to Joker attempt of a joke about that drill the next day."

"I would have killed him if my body still not sore from the drill."

Both Shepard and Ashley burst out laughing as they recalling that day while James still have no idea what actually happen.

"Shepard." call out Samara.

"Hey, Samara. Is there something else the Matriarchs want me to do?" answered Shepard as she finally stop laughing.

"No. I just come here to meet you and to say my happiness seeing you well."

"Thank you, Samara. It's nice to see you doing well too. How is Falere?"

"She is fine. The Matriarchs has agreed on rebuilding the Monastery again."

"That's good to hear." said Shepard before her eyes saw Liara.

"Liara!" call Shepard as she start to run towards Liara.

Liara could have sworn she heard Shepard voice but it also has been happening a lot ever since she arrived on Thessia. Everywhere she go, her mind always play trick with her and she expect nothing less this time around. But when she looked at where the voice came from, she saw Shepard run towards her.

"Sh…Shepard." said Liara as she suddenly feels light headed.

Shepard could see that something is wrong with Liara and before long Liara slowly falling but Shepard was in time to catch her before she could fall to the ground. With Liara in her arms and unconscious, Shepard grew worry before a headache makes her lost consciousness too. Before Shepard hit the ground, she could hear Ashley, James and Samara yelling her name before darkness overtook her.

* * *

><p>Liara has been unconscious for more than 6 hours now and Shepard has been waiting next to Liara bed for the past 3 hours after waking up from her own faint. Dr. Chakwas was called upon when Shepard lost consciousness and when she woke up, Dr. Chakwas insist Shepard on having further examination but as always Shepard being stubborn as she reassured Dr. Chakwas that she is fine.<p>

She is more worried about Liara and the baby as the headache which resulting her loss consciousness was the way her brain returned her memories. Shepard is now crystal clear about her feeling towards Liara and Matt but she also knows what she read from the piece of paper she found at her apartment. There is decision to be made and she wasn't certain what will be the best. But she knows one thing for certain, she going to be there for the baby. No matter what.

As Shepard still figuring out what future hold for her and Liara, Liara is slowly starting to regain consciousness.

"Hey Liara…" greet Shepard as Liara regain consciousness.

"…Shepard… What are you doing here?" asked Liara as she saw Shepard waiting beside her bed.

"I worry about you… And the baby."

"Why would you worry? You don't even know who I am." said Liara with a hint of hurt can be heard in her voice.

"…I guess I deserved that. But I remembered everything now. I am so sorry, Liara. You could hate me all you want but don't make me abandon my duty as the father of your baby."

"But… How did you know?"

"Unless you find someone else to love during the war, I couldn't think of anyone else who could be the father of your baby."

"Shepard… I... I didn't plan for this."

"Are you saying you don't want the baby?" asked Shepard feeling a little sad as she think that Liara really hate her if she didn't even want the baby.

"NO! That's not what I meant. When I found out that I'm pregnant, I was afraid you won't approve. I was afraid that you will hate our daughter."

"That's nonsense. I love you Liara and I want to have little blue babies with you. I meant what I said before."

"What about Matt?"

"What about him?"

"I could sense that you love him."

"I… I'm not going to lie. I never thought about my feeling towards Matt in a very long time. When we broke up, I wasn't expecting to fall in love again until I met you. But not once I think about Matt when I was with you. He was my past until… recently. But I love you Liara, I always do. And I want to be here for you and the baby."

"I… I don't know Shepard. I thought I lost you, again. Seeing you alive but you didn't remember me, it's hurt more than when you died."

"Listen, Liara. I know that I hurt you. I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. I'm not going to win your heart back like I did after we beat the Shadow Broker. Not because I don't love you as much as I do back then, but because I don't want to put you through it again. Being with me was never easy and now that I saved the galaxy, it will be a lot harder. I can't even walk around without people saying 'hey that's Commander Shepard' or the reporters wanting to know my every move. I'm not going to push myself on you. But I will always be there for you. I promise that."

"I will need time to think."

"I understand, Liara. But please, while you still think about us, I want to be here for you and the baby."

Liara only respond with a smile which Shepard takes it as her approval.

* * *

><p>After a week on Thessia, Shepard back on Earth by the Alliance request. Shepard tried to object at first but she knew that she is using personal reason as the reason why she should stay on Thessia a little while longer. With Liara being released by the doctor a few hours before the Normandy depart, it makes Shepard leaving Thessia a lot easier. But Shepard made sure Liara promise her to stay healthy and avoid making herself stress as that was the reason why she faint in the first place.<p>

With a few hours to spare before Shepard need to report in front of the new Alliance Admirals, Shepard decided to catch up with her best friend, Maddison at a café near the hospital where Maddison work.

When Shepard arrived, she was 10 minutes early so she decided to find a table near a window and order herself a cup of tea. She is one of those few people who don't really drink coffee nor need caffeine to stay awake. Her problem is usually to fall asleep rather than staying awake. But she does drink coffee from time to time.

"Hey, Shepard." said Maddison as she sit in front of Shepard before ordering herself a cup of coffee when the waitress came asking her order.

"Black coffee? Really?" asked Shepard as she knows her best friend also didn't drink much coffee.

"I've been pulling all nighters the past few days. I think my blood pressure is up." answered Maddison as she rubs her temple.

"Patients are giving you problems?"

"The war against the Reapers made people lost their mind. The thing they saw… I can't even explain it."

"Hey, you don't have to explain it. I of all people know better about it. Things I saw. Death… It still haunts me."

"You need to see a shrink more than they do."

"You know what I feel about shrink."

"And yet your best friend is a shrink."

"I never thought you as one. You're my best friend and it's kind of your job to be my shrink. Even if it not your job."

"So… I heard you remember Liara." asked Maddison after the waitress sent her cup of coffee.

"Who told you that?"

"Oh, you know. Someone name Gracie? I think she said she your PA." said Maddison teasing Shepard.

"I don't have a PA and stop calling me Gracie."

"So are you going to tell me what going to happen now?"

"Well it's up to Liara now."

"What do you mean? You don't love her anymore or you want to be with Matt again?"

"No… I found this when I was looking around my apartment at the Citadel." said Shepard as she take a piece of paper from her pocket and give it to Maddison.

"…Well this explains a lot." said Maddison after she finished reading the paper.

"Explain what?" asked Shepard in confusion.

"I think I found the reason why you seem to have no problem remembering anything from the last few years except Liara."

"You mean?"

"I explain to you before sometimes when brain decided to hide some memories as it defense mechanism. I think before you go through that blast from the Crucible you remember what you wrote in this paper. You bought that ring and never propose to her. And why's that?"

"Because I don't want her to suffer again if I die."

"You know exactly what you will do and sacrifice to destroy the Reapers."

"She already loss me twice, I can't hurt her again... I know that I will die centuries before she will and I don't want to leave this world knowing she will never move on because every time she tried, I come back and beg her to stay."

"But you still love her… Are you really willing to sacrifice your happiness for her sake? After everything you went through the past few years, you deserve some happiness."

"Seeing Liara alive and happy will be good enough…"

"You may believe that but I won't."

"So what am I supposed to do? Beg her again and then leaves her for good century from now? I can't hurt her again. I WON'T hurt her again!" yelled Shepard as she torn over her own feeling.

"Whatever you going to choose, you can't have a win-win situation. Because you love her so much that you are willing to die for her. I was there when you were in love with Matt, but you aren't willing to die for him. I know you haven't thought about that feeling in quite some time now until recently, but the truth is you love Liara more than you could ever love Matt."

"And this supposed to help me, how?"

"It wasn't supposed to help you. I just lay it on you because I could see the conflict in your eyes."

"Now I wish my best friend isn't a shrink…"

"Oh please. You always wish that even though your heart wants me to be a shrink because at a time like this, you need one. You're not invincible, Grace. You never were."

"I never can win when arguing with you. Can I?" said Shepard with a sigh.

"Nope. Never." said Maddison as she flash a smile.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : So I supposed to write a scene between Shepard and Matt but since it's already long enough and I really need to post it before my birthday (this Friday) because I'm off for a weekend vacation, so that would mean I won't be writing this weekend or have any time to post this chapter this week. Anyway I will be focusing on new chapter for Forever After so I won't be writing a new chapter for What If until I'm done with my other story which I abandoned it long enough. I really hope this is a great chapter and I didn't do a final check on this story so pardon me for any mistype or usual grammar mess. Let me know what you think and if there a few questions in your mind that I still didn't answer so far in this story. So leave me a review but please be nice. Oh one last thing, this story is far from over because as you notice Liara didn't give Shepard an answer and Shepard is conflicted about her feeling towards Liara. And Matt will be in the picture soon enough to win Shepard back. There will be more drama for sure. Well maybe... Maybe not much of a drama... Oh I don't know. You will know soon enough when I write the new chapters.  
><strong>


	6. With My Whole Heart

**A/N : Hey guys, first of all just a little warning that this chapter will be a downer (well sort of). I had to do it for a reason you guys will know in future chapter. Secondly, I like to explain that letter in previous chapter. I realized that the part about Shepard talking about she losing her memories, feel kinda off so I will make it right in this chapter. Hopefully I could make it right. So without further ado…**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6 : With My Whole Heart<p>

It was just another typical day for Shepard. Another job training new rookies as she and the rest of Normandy crews waits for the Normandy repairs ahead of a big order from the Alliance and the Council. Shepard still has no idea what the order is but she have a feeling she won't like it. But worst of all it has been a month since she last saw Liara. She still kept in touch with Liara but what she wanted the most is to be right there with Liara.

Shepard took a deep breath as she sit at one of park bench. This park, located near the Alliance base has became Shepard usual spot to relax ever since the Normandy undergoing repairs. As she was about to close her eyes and hoping for a little nap, Maddison came almost out of nowhere and sat next to Shepard.

"You know I'm getting real tired seeing you. Every time I turn around, I almost bump into you."

"And I'm getting tired stalking you around." said Maddison as both of them burst out laughing.

"What brought you here?" asked Shepard as both of them stop laughing.

"Well, I did some research over your memories loss and I think I already find a proper answer."

"Didn't we already go through this over coffee?"

"That is true but back then I go with my gut with no scientific prove or anything to back that up. But now I do."

"And what is it?"

"Over 180 years ago there was a case like this. It was a married couple and the husband was hit by a car in front of his wife. Sad story really, but he was fine except he suffered memory loss. They were married for 5 years and he loss all those memories he had with his wife. To make things worst all he remembered about his wife was that he hates her. Worst of all, his wife found out she was pregnant. For 4 months he still didn't remember anything except he believe he did married his wife but he thought it was over business rather than love. When she told him, well more like he figured out that she was pregnant, he accused his wife of cheating with his little brother…"

"You know it seems like a good story but I really love to hear the end of it. You know the happy ending or your point is."

"You are no fun at all… Fine. In the end he did remembered and to cut the story short he told her that the last thing on his mind when he got hit by the car was that he's happy that it wasn't her that took the hit. He also said his wife is on his mind from the moment he saw that car was about to hit him until he lost his consciousness."

"…Everything already came back to me and I have to admit the only thing that was on my mind was Liara. How much I hate to break my promise to her that I'm always coming back because I know I won't. When we said our goodbyes, I want to tell her to move on when I die. I want to forget how much I love her because it hurt me to see her like that. Those look on her face when we said goodbyes, when I left her with Garrus in front of the Normandy shuttle bay. I want to spare her feeling. I know that I was joking when I wrote her that letter about I lost my memories, but I know deep inside I thought it was for the best. I want her to hate me so it would be easier for me to sacrifice my life for the galaxy… To leaves her a peaceful galaxy." said Shepard as tears threatened to streams down her face.

"Is that why you didn't propose?"

"As much as I want her to hate me, I want to be with her. I want her to feels my love. I want to keep my promise to her because I meant every promise. But most of all I need her. Because when I look at her, every worry, every responsibility the entire galaxy put on me, just gone. I couldn't propose to her because I'm afraid I will break my promise to her."

"To always coming back?"

"Yes."

"Has Liara given you her answer?"

"Not yet."

"You love her don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you propose to her? Or ask her to be with you again?"

"…" Shepard only silent.

"What aren't you telling me?"

* * *

><p>The rumors Shepard kept hearing didn't calm her nerves. She hope it just rumors but she know better. She knows that it wasn't rumors, she know that's going to be her new order, new assignment for Normandy crews. It's like saving the galaxy isn't enough, now the Alliance and the Council wants them, no expect them to do this new assignment. There won't be any complain from her crews or herself because they know, duty comes first. It always has been.<p>

As Shepard pacing around her room, there was a knock on her door. When she opened it, there was a blonde female Lieutenant holding a piece of letter.

"It's a new order from the Alliance and the Council to the Normandy crews." said the Lieutenant as she gave Shepard the letter before leaving.

Shepard immediately opens the letter and the contents of it just prove the rumors she's been hearing. Oh how much she hates to tell her crews about the new order. Then it cross her mind, how she going to tell Liara?

For the past 3 hours, Shepard was busy calling the Normandy crews and informed them the new order. The Alliance and the Council has stated the Normandy have to leave Earth in 24 hours. Now for the next few hours Shepard has to go through list of new officers to pick to replace Lieutenant James Vega who was called up for N7 training. That means Shepard need to find someone to replace him since Ashley and herself are the only senior officers on the ship.

With so many things to be done with so little time, Shepard didn't realize there's only 3 hours left before she has to go aboard the Normandy. She was about to pick up her datapad to send an email to Liara when she heard a knock on her door.

"Matt…" said Shepard once she opened the door.

"Hey Grace. Can I come in?" said Matt as he stood in front of the door.

"Yeah, sure." replied Shepard as she lead them to the living room.

"So I heard you got a new order." said Matt as he sits in front of Shepard.

"Yeah… How did you get past the security?"

"Well it wasn't easy but when I show them my doctor credential they just let me in. They must have thought you need a medical checkup or something."

"Some top notch security work there."

"Ha. You should complain to the Alliance. But then again it's not like you can't defend yourself if someone is to attack you."

"So what brought you here?"

"I need to know your answer."

"About your proposal?"

"Yes."

"Matt…"

"I know I told you I would wait and I won't push you. But knowing your new order might see you away for years, I need to know."

"What we had… It was in the past. I won't deny I still have some feelings towards you but my heart is with someone else. I love her more than life itself and more than I ever love you. I'm sorry Matt, but my answer is no. I won't change my mind."

"I see… She's a lucky girl. I hope she know that." said Matt as he force a smile on his face.

* * *

><p>After Matt leaved, Shepard took her datapad and preparing to compose an email to Liara when she decided to go to the Normandy and asked for EDI help instead. After grabbing her duffel bag, Shepard head towards where the Normandy dock. Few crews already on board and Shepard rush towards her cabin while telling EDI to meet her there.<p>

"Shepard, what can I do for you?" asked EDI.

"I need you to record my message to Liara."

"Certainly. Whenever you ready." said EDI as she turn on her omni-tool.

**_"_****_Hey Liara. I don't know how to say this… I just got a new order from the Alliance and the Council. The Normandy has been order to help out some colonies against some mercenaries who have been terrorizing them for quite some time now. The mission mostly consists in the Terminus System and I will work with Aria T'Loak over how to counter act the mercenaries. I can't believe there still some species out there that uses violence after everything they saw against the Reapers. Anyway this mean I may be away for at least a year. I hate to think that I will miss the baby arrival. We didn't even talk about naming the baby yet. I'm not sure what to name her. But one thing I know is she's my light. She's the light that will guide me home just like she guided me to remember us."_**

**_"_****_I love you Liara T'Soni. I never want to lose you. Even if I do, it's because I want to spare you the feeling seeing me dead again. I can't see you hurt again. I can't look at that face that greets me when I first saw you on Illium. I could see the look of hurt, sadness and a hint of happiness when you saw me. I would do anything not to look at that face again. Yet I did so when I forget everything about you except this time it worst than when I died… So tell me what I should do to have you with me again but this time without the hurt in your face if anything happen to me... I will always love you Liara. If anything happen to me, tell our daughter that I love her from the very first day I found out I'm going to have a baby with you. Even without seeing her, I know that I love her with my whole heart."_**

"All done." said Shepard to EDI.

"I will send it to Liara."

"How long will it take? I know the communications are half working."

"I will make sure Liara get it." said EDI firmly before leave Shepard cabin.

* * *

><p>"Hey Shepard. When are we going to see a new stripe in your uniform?" asked Ashley over dinner.<p>

"Promotion is the least of my problem right now."

"Forget I said anything." said Ashley as she realized Shepard was bothered by the fact she won't be there for her daughter arrival.

*Shepard took a deep breath* "I'm sorry Ash. I barely have a moment to catch a breath. Ever since we got the new order I have been knee deep in work."

"I understand. Listen Shepard, I'm sorry you can't be there for Liara. I know that you promised her to be there for her and with this new assignment, everything you work on to gain her heart back is going down in flames."

"I wasn't the only one having problems with this new assignment. Some of the crews finally got reunited with their families and now they have to go away for at least a year."

"Shepard, sometimes you need to stop worrying about the crews. I'm your XO and I can worry about the crews while you worry about you and Liara and the baby."

"You also just got reunited with your family, Ash."

"Shepard, you been there for me when my little sister loss her husband. Now it's time for me to return the favor. You always been there for me despite all the crap I gave you over Cerberus. You are going to have a baby, Shepard. When you got back she will be at least a year old! You will miss a year of her life."

"You think I don't know that?" yell Shepard.

"Then stop worrying about us and think about that!"

The argument between Shepard and Ashley fill the dining hall with few of the crew watch their CO and XO arguing without any of them dare to stop them.

"Enough you two." yell Dr. Chakwas as she exits her med bay after hearing the argument between Shepard and Ashley.

"It's not helping anyone when their two commanding officer at each other throats." add Dr. Chakwas.

"I will be in my cabin if anyone needs me." said Shepard as she left the dining hall.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Ashley.

"She's having a mental break down…" said Maddison as she got out from the med bay.

Maddison has been assigned as the Normandy psychologist by the Alliance after her close work with Shepard. But mostly the Alliance kept her around to make sure Shepard have her head in the game.

"I agree. It's unlike Shepard to yell at anyone like that." said Dr. Chakwas.

"She had Liara before to keep her grounded. Now that she's not here…" add Ashley refusing to complete her own sentence.

"I should have seen this. This is the reason why I didn't want her to remember what happened in the last few years. It doesn't matter how strong she is, she will come crumbling down at one point and now with Liara not here, I have to make sure she holding on. At the very least."

"Let me know if you need anything." said Dr. Chakwas as she watch Maddison make her way towards the elevators.

"Same here." add Ashley.

* * *

><p>When Maddison arrived in front of Shepard cabin, her door was lock but it wasn't hard for Maddison to figure out what pass code Shepard used. As soon as she steps into Shepard cabin, it almost dark except the light from the fish tank. When Maddison turn on the lights, she saw Shepard sitting with her head down at one of the couch.<p>

"My parents always told me to never depend on anyone else. Always be strong. Find that strength from my heart, never in someone else." said Shepard with her head still down while Maddison making her way next to Shepard.

"My father always told me that. I guess it's because if anything happen to them, we need to find the strength to move on."

"I always find strength deep inside of me but ever since I met Liara, my strength involve around her. I punch one of the Quarian Admirals despite knowing full well it could hurt my plan to have Quarians help with the war against the Reapers, just because I was mad at him endangering Liara."

"What did he do?"

"He made an order to fire at the Geth dreadnaught we were in despite the dreadnaught isn't firing on them anymore. We were on our way out; I was with Tali, Liara and Legion we found inside. When they fired we lose gravity and Liara almost float outside the dreadnaught but Legion managed to grab her hand. If he didn't, Liara could die and that's why I punch him. I can try to understand why he made those order but endangering my team and mostly Liara? I can't tolerate it. He could at least wait until we got out."

"Love makes you do crazy thing."

"Like that one time you do buggy jumping even though you afraid of height?"

"Ha. I was scared like hell. I thought I'm going to puke but thankfully I wasn't. But hey look what that did to me, now I wasn't that afraid of height anymore."

"That is true." Shepard let out a small laugh much to her best friend relief.

"You know Grace, even though Liara is not here physically, she is right here with you. In your heart."

"I know… But when I think of her, I think of the fact I won't be there when our daughter is born. I promise her that I will be there for her and now once again duty comes first before her."

"You could always quit… But I know you won't because since the day you were born, the Alliance life is all you know. You don't know how to survive outside the Alliance life. With the exception when you were with the Cerberus though but then again your job description is the same so…"

"That and because what I'm going to do if Liara decides to move on? This job is the only thing that can keep me sane."

"Yet this job is about to destroy you."

"Well this job killed me once, what will stop it from killing me twice?"

"I will."

Shepard briefly looked at her best friend before hang her head low again.

"You know what the problem is? You two are too afraid to give it a go again. You two keep dancing around the subject and hoping an answer will fall out of the sky. You two clearly still love each other but both of you are afraid to get hurt again. Grace, be in love, get hurt. It's not life without it. If you want to date someone who won't get hurt or have any emotion at all, go date Avina." said Maddison as she got up and start making her way out of Shepard cabin.

"Thank you." said Shepard half whispering.

"Now if you need me, I will be by Port Observation room waiting for any of your crews come by to talk to me. I would appreciate if you can make it a mandatory for every crew to at least meet me once a week." said Maddison with a smile of relief as she managed to get through her best friend.

* * *

><p>"Greetings, Dr. T'Soni. You have a video message waiting for you." greet Glyph as Liara step into her office.<p>

"Who is it from?" asked Liara as she sits in front of a computer console. She knows her father would be mad if she found out Liara doing some Shadow Broker work but she felt restless without something to do.

"EDI send it."

"EDI?" asked Liara in surprise before immediately open the message.

After watching the video message, Liara had a sinking feeling while she rubs her ever growing stomach. Would she regret not giving Shepard an answer or was it for the best?

* * *

><p><strong>AN : So how was it? First of all I want to explain my decision not to write a longer scene for Liara. I just want to give it a mystery touch. What exactly Liara decided? Secondly don't hate me for having Shepard going on a mission which will take her away for at least a year. You guys will know why I did it in future chapter. It also gives me the opportunity to take a look at the other side of Shepard. The other side of the brave, strong, Commander Shepard. What exactly gave her strength through the Reapers war? I see my Shepard gained her strength from Liara and now that Liara is not around and she is send to another mission, would she keep herself away from a complete mental break down? I also want to play around or experiment around with the reason why Shepard and Liara are yet to get together. It's so easy to write they get back together but it's another story when they are yet to do so. I want to make a little twist in this story. Asking question if it's really worth it for Shepard and Liara to give it a go for the third time? Maybe they better off as friends even though they are going to have a daughter together. Or maybe something in between. I actually have an idea what will happen but I'm not telling. Just making you guys wondering around ;). I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to do and love the idea. Anyway leave me a review and let me know what you guys think.**


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